Thursday, May 21, 2009

Steve Reviews Random Crap

Dr. Pepper - Growing up in our house, the only soda there was to drink was the soda my mom drank, namely Tab. If you've never had Tab, here's a fun way to make your own at home: Mix diet coke and diet pepsi in a bottle, leave that bottle uncovered in your garage for an entire summer, then drink. Mmmmm, now you're drinking Tab!

Because of this, I grew up preferring diet sodas. Sweetened sodas were considered a luxurious novelty. The kind of thing you only got at weddings and the homes of people who didn't hate their kids. But in recent years I have taken a dark detour into full time sweetened soda drinking, and Dr. Pepper is the reason! Yes, I know what you're thinking, "Isn't that the stuff that made that guy turn into a werewolf?!"

Not exactly, but I understand your confusion. What Dr. Pepper is is an orgasm in a can. In fact sometimes I wish some horrible accident would deprive me of my genitals so I could devote myself to Dr. Pepper drinking full time (or at least until the diabetes kicked in and my kidneys failed). So what makes Dr. Pepper so good? The mystery factor! What's in it? What is that taste? And exactly what kind of Doctor is Dr. Pepper anyway? A House kind of doctor or an Indiana Jones kind of doctor? No one knows! And the more we ask, the more the doctor just smiles. Dr. Pepper is the James Dean of sodas. If you don't get it, it's because you CAN'T get it! Now go have a Fresca, you sissy!

I give Dr. Pepper five out of five Mer-men!

2 comments:

  1. TAB! It's more than just a silly joke in 1950's Back to the Future...Momma Lola used to throw them at me when I was a kid, as I hid behind Castle de Greyskull, but never the Doctor...never the Pepper...oh non.

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  2. hehe Tab has ruined many lives. We should start a support group.

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